My Vending Machine is Broken

Trusting God through difficulty

Clink, clank, clunk. One dollar and ten cents earns me a solid two hundred calories worth of almonds at the rest area vending machine on the side of I-95 half way between Jed’s hospital and my home. If I eat them ponderously, one at a time, this enough to keep me awake for the remaining 76 miles to home. Words fail to express the thorough disgust dripping from my stare that reflects back to me in the vending machine glass door as the blue bag of almonds dangle in midair, provokingly refusing to fall. The only thing worse than an uncooperative falling bag of almonds, is the insolence of a machine that plunks the wrong item down into the tray. Dear machine, we had a deal, I put in the money. You give me what I want. You flubbed. Try harder next time. Thanks. My phone dinged, and the text … Continue reading

LET GO Instead of Give Up

Let go or give up

The two babies of this house have polar opposite ways of starting off the day. Christina wakes up like a small angry tornado. After about 30 minutes of thrashing around, coughing, yelling, and usually at least one large throw up, she settles down to look at the day like a reasonable human being. It’s safe to say she’s not a morning person. Jed, on the other hand, is more or less delighted to find himself in his bed upon waking up, is thrilled to death to see any human face, and is so full of things to chatter about and smile at that he can barely contain himself. It’s the same morning for both of them. One child is going to endure it with the greatest protest possible while the other is going to enjoy it thoroughly. I have a choice everyday, no matter what is in that day, to … Continue reading

Perspective is Everything

Day 49, first time I get to hold Jed since the day he was born.

I almost always avoid the topic of my two tubie kids in passing conversations if I can possibly help it. (Official definition of a tubie: kids with feeding tubes. In this blog this term shall herafter refer to kids with feeding tubes, trachs, ET tubes, IVs, dialysis catheters, or any other type of tube that I don’t know about yet.) Sometimes the topic just comes up naturally. Sometimes it’s purely out of my control, like when someone (usually a cashier or some such person) makes the innocent mistake of calling my four year old the baby sister. Which typically then results in an indignant five minute monologue from the offended little lady of just why she is not the baby sister. That usually leaves me to sputter a hasty explanation to the now embarrassed individual, or just smile blandly as I make my exit and leave them to wonder whatever they like. … Continue reading