Normal Never Will Change

I can’t wait for things to get back to normal. I have said it, and I have heard it said dozens of times over the last six months. What is normal anyway?     I went grocery shopping the other day. Boring. Routine. A depressing way to spend money. A check off the to do list. As usual, I purchased more than my good intentioned list of coffee grounds, off brand laundry detergent, and completely unnecessary half gallon of ice cream.  I piled my bags onto the very-much-in-need-of-a-scrubbing seats of my truck, and rounded the corner to the driver’s side muttering something to myself about children who leave skittles on car seats to bake into a glue that will last for all eternity. I glanced at the car beside me. Both the front windows were rolled down leaving the front wide open, and a man sat in the front seat looking … Continue reading

Joy comes in the Morning (Video)

  Six months after Jed passed away I had the opportunity to talk about the rather tricky subject of Joy with a group of ladies. Joy is the last thing on one’s mind after losing someone you love. How can you possibly have joy and a broken heart at the same time? Here we are looking at the two year mark of life without Jed, and I want to share this story again with friends who have never heard it. Recently, someone told me that because of the unfortunate changes our family has seen following Jed’s death, what happened throughout his life was a waste, and we are now just a statistic. I’m afraid I do not agree. You see, no one is just that grand. I do not, nor does anyone else, have the power to nullify God’s work, His truth, His goodness shown, or His promise that He is able to keep … Continue reading

Walk away

  “What is your code ma’am?” You had to have one. A security code to give the hospital every phone call to see how your baby was doing. I still catch myself, feeling like I haven’t done something I need to do, I haven’t called to check on Jed. My code is 9014. I’m calling to check on Jed, do you have his labs for today? How much oxygen is he needing? How did his blood pressure do over night? What time are you running dialysis? Does he look ok? I’ll be in this afternoon. Call me if something comes up.  It is the cruelest feeling I have ever known, to turn, to walk away, to will yourself not look back, to not cry, to harden your heart with all the facts that you know so well, to leave. I have done it more times than I care to remember. It … Continue reading