Use it rather

Use it rather

If you happened to be driving down Woods dr last week, you may have been tempted to raise an eyebrow at the sight in my front yard. Two little girls (not really sure to which irresponsible mother they belonged), like two frogs in a jar, had stuffed themselves into the city issued recycle bin tote, filled it with water, and were having a great time “swimming” in the fresh spring air. Because if mom won’t put out your pool for you, what else do you do, but find a way to swim anyway? I can’t help but think that’s exactly what God meant for me to do when life is not exactly the poolside experience I requested. I do believe that the same God who turned water to wine, who healed a blind man’s eyes with mud, who sent Gideon into battle with a trumpet, who trained David to be … Continue reading

I’ve had all I can take!

I've had all I can take

I’ve had all I can take. Have you ever said those words? I’ve said them. I clearly remember glaring at the row of shiny metal buttons in the children’s hospital elevator after Jed had some bad blood work, and I was told we would have to stay for a few days (which turned into months and a cancer diagnosis). I stabbed the number eight button, giving everyone around me a steely look which defied them to be brave enough to smile at me, much less dare to speak to me, all the while muttering in my mind, “I’ve had it, I’ve had all I can take!” I remember the day I brought Jed in for a hearing screen. The audiologist told me he was significantly deaf in both ears, and we should expect to get him cochlear implants in the future. I don’t know why, but for some reason after … Continue reading

Dear Senator, Please stop using my children as your excuse

Dear Senator, Thank you for your hard work and personal dedication serving our country. I am looking forward to the day when your voting record reflects the confidence you have in the courage of Americans, specifically women. I am writing to request one thing, please stop using my children as your excuse not to do this. Your recent failure to pass H.R. 36, the Pain-Capable Unborn Child Protection Act, was a tremendous disappointment to a great number of American women. I am a mom of four children, two of whom belong to America’s finest group of endangered species…babies who have had a very poor prenatal diagnosis. It is these medically complex situations that are often pointed to as one main reason, among others, that we continue to withhold legal protection for the smallest heartbeats of America’s future. By voting down this bill, you have told me, a women experienced in … Continue reading

Nothing will be Lost

hope for the new year

Every mom ever to live in the history of mankind (well that’s my theory anyway) has sighed at least once in her life after walking into a room, stumbling over fifteen different toys and projects scattered all over the floor, and seeing absolutely no children in sight on which to pin the blame. While a half done art project makes my scalp itch, my children do not seem to be at all afflicted with any such sentiments. Partially colored papers, and a thousand pieces of paper cut up for no actual discernable reason seem to be all the rage at my house. Occasionally, I attempt to offer a more logical explanation (other than I might have a stroke in the next 60 seconds if this mess is not cleaned up NOW!) as to why half-finished games and projects are not fun nor conducive for future life skills…sadly my attempts seem … Continue reading

I Will Fear No Evil

I will fear no evil

I barely noticed the line of cars to my right as I swept by, flashers blinking rhythmically, speedometer reading 90 miles an hour. Yes, I was speeding. No, I did not care. How many times had I done this? Peering into the black night. Wishing the miles to go faster. The pounding question.” Will Jed die today? Will I get there in time to say goodbye?” Evil does not play nice. It will squeeze the soul with fear, it will shriek its mocking questions, and it will kill a little boy. Of all the things to hit my mind at such a time, God sent this phrase to my heart from Psalm 23, “I will fear no evil”. It was almost absurd. I wanted to crash through the line of traffic when we screeched to a dead stop on the interstate, I wanted to scream at everyone to get out … Continue reading

Jed. The best is yet to be.

In Memory of Jed

Jedediah “Jed” Lewis Feistel, 2 years old, ran through the gates of Heaven on Sunday, October 8, 2017. (Click the picture link below to see video) (Parent’s tribute to Jed read at his funeral) Abby: It seems a little unfair to me to let you assume that Rich and I were the main players in Jed’s life. Both Jed and Christina have had teams of medical people who not only saved their lives on multiple occasions, but who have poured their hearts into our babies. You are so special to us, thank you. Rich: The first time I saw Jed he had about five sets of hands all over him, you could just catch a glimpse of him every once in a while.  The poor little guy was trying so hard to breath. The first few minutes were intense.  Jed turned blue as soon as the umbilical cord was cut … Continue reading

My Vending Machine is Broken

Trusting God through difficulty

Clink, clank, clunk. One dollar and ten cents earns me a solid two hundred calories worth of almonds at the rest area vending machine on the side of I-95 half way between Jed’s hospital and my home. If I eat them ponderously, one at a time, this enough to keep me awake for the remaining 76 miles to home. Words fail to express the thorough disgust dripping from my stare that reflects back to me in the vending machine glass door as the blue bag of almonds dangle in midair, provokingly refusing to fall. The only thing worse than an uncooperative falling bag of almonds, is the insolence of a machine that plunks the wrong item down into the tray. Dear machine, we had a deal, I put in the money. You give me what I want. You flubbed. Try harder next time. Thanks. My phone dinged, and the text … Continue reading

No Shame in Hope

No Shame in Hope

There is a certain member of this family, who, for the duration of his almost two year old life, clearly has demonstrated a moral objection to predictability or monotony in any way. He was not expected to survive past birth, and he did. He should not have made it through his first year, and he did. He should not have made it through a recent four month stint home on hospice with liver cancer, and he did. I don’t know what choice one has with such a child except to let him have his own way, and try again to do what we know to do to help his little body become healthy(ish).  I am completely grateful for, and deeply admire his tenacity, although I personally feel that he may have used his “youngest of the family rights to be dramatic” a little liberally. Do you suppose it is his … Continue reading

Love is in the Worms

Love is in the worms

It was, by far, the longest August day ever recorded, the day our Christina rolled off to the operating room to get her tracheotomy tube and feeding tube placed. I had been dreading it for weeks, the weather was dismal, the plastic vinyl chairs were hard and squeaky, and the surgery more or less took several eternities. Or so it seemed. When the surgery team wheeled her back into her room, there was the usual post procedure hive of activity. People darting here and there, reconnecting monitors, getting vitals, passing off information to each other, someone’s face in front of mine telling me how great the whole show had gone. I’m sure we said the usual appropriate things. My first glimpse over someone’s shoulder of my newly improved child did not leave me feeling charmed. I was in fact, thoroughly and completely horrified to put it bluntly. Of course I … Continue reading

The New Year is Actually the Old Year

The New Year is Actually the Old Year

The baby was up all night. All four kids were sick. One of them in particular is worth at least six kids when she’s sick. I won’t mention any names, but she’s two, has blond hair, and handles feeling badly about as graciously as a cat getting their toenails clipped while being held under water. The car wouldn’t start when it was time for church. The dog chewed up at least ten things over night. New Year’s Day was…ummm. Great. Just really. Great. I did chuckle about it, a lot…because of course! Of course the old nasty Devil is going to come right out of the shoot with all sorts of dirty little tricks to immediately ruin our so called “fresh start”, “new page”, whatever you want to call it. As I sit listening to my little man laboriously breathing like a freight train, the oxygen consentrator humming, and sporting … Continue reading